Brian M Downing
President Trump arrived in Hanoi this morning to meet with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. However, before the meeting the president surprised reporters with an unexpected announcement. The Vietnamese officials were all the more surprised.
“I’m using this occasion to announce an executive order bestowing the Vietnam Service Medal, Combat Infantryman Badge, and Silver Star on me. Me. Job well done. Remarkable. Oh, and another thing. I’m also getting a Purple Heart for the bone spurs I suffered during that long painful conflict. Believe me, those things hurt. A lot. Most soldiers never could’ve endured it. I don’t really like talking about it. Great heroes are like that and so am I.”
When asked about the other medals, the president had an instant reply.
“There’s no telling what great things I’d have pulled off. Truly great things. Amazing things. Fantastic. Just thinking of them makes my heart glow. I learned a lot in military school, I can tell you. Even little Montenegro is recognizing my great feats now. Why doesn’t the liberal media report that? With me in uniform, Vietnam might not be communist today.”
When asked if he would pursue any business ventures while in Vietnam, the president noted.
“Well, there’s a surf spot near Vung Tau that Robert Duvall told me about. Evening glass. Excellent break, left and right slide. Tube city. I’m also hearing good things about a wall down around Khe Sanh and Dong Ha. Fantastic wall. Beautiful too. Amazing. Really kept the illegals out when they tried to swarm across during the Tet Offensive. Kept crime down too. Way down. Believe me. You can learn a thing or two from history, then repeat it.”
Just then, Kim Jong Un stepped up to the microphone with one of his field marshals alongside. President Trump looked at the general’s rows of medals and whispered into Kim’s ear. The North Korean leader stripped the general of a dozen medals and presented them to his American counterpart. When son-in-law Jared Kushner whispered into Trump’s ear, the president shot him a look of stern reproach. General and son-in-law were summarily led away to the applause of many.
© 2019 Brian M Downing
Brian M Downing is a national security analyst who’s written for outlets across the political spectrum. He studied at Georgetown University and the University of Chicago, and did post-graduate work at Harvard’s Center for International Affairs. Thanks as ever to Susan Ganosellis.